I think I have anxiety issues.
I always feel so guilty, like everything's my fault, and then I feel worse because I can't get angry about it, I always cry instead. I feel so weak and pathetic. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I think about hurting myself, that somehow it'd atone for what I've done a little. I don't usually do it though. And it doesn't ever go away, I constantly feel like I've done something wrong and I need to apologize, I always feel afraid that someone will blame me for something or point out something I've done.
I don't know what to do. My stepdad came home from shopping and he was suddenly angry and my mom told me part of the reason he was upset is because I didn't go with him and then he broke a glass in the kitchen and started yelling at everyone about how all we do is sit on our butts all day and we're ungrateful and inconsiderate and I'm sitting in my room and I can't stop crying. And the guilt just keeps building up too, I feel even worse because I haven't gone up to apologize or help with anything yet because I don't want him to yell and make me feel more guilty about chores and everything I don't do and it just doesn't stop it's suffocating everything is my fault. We were going to have so much fun today we had a whole bunch of things planned and now I don't think it's happening and even if it was I don't want to have to sit there with everyone glaring at me all night because of what I did. But if I don't leave my room I'll feel more guilty because everyone else would've gotten over it by the time we start dinner so if I don't come out they'll assume I don't want to spend time with them and I'm a bitch and I'm just moping around because I'm scared of getting in trouble.
I don't know if anyone else knows what I mean by all of this but I had to get it out.